I tried to transcribe this, but didn't type out all the sniffles since it'd take me WAY too long. Sorry for the overuse of the exclamation mark, but freaking everything here is exclamatory or declarative.
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And how dare anyone out there make fun of Coach Fran? After all he's been through?

He lost his bowl game! He gained weight! and HE ONCE COACHED AT TCU! his preseason schedule turned out to be a nightmare, and now he's going through the Big XII.

All you people care about is Championships! bowl Games?! Winning Records! and occasionally beating tceh, texas (sic), or oklahoma!

HE'S A FOOTBALL COACH! (pause, cry, sniffle) What you don't realize is he is making a lot of money. and all you do is post stupid crap on a messageboard! "He's not fiery, he doesn't have a pirate fetish, or stupid LPGA visor, or perpetually unbrushed teeth, or shower with his sister!"

His coaching style is called boring because all you want is PASS! PASS! PASS! PASS! PASS! LEAVE HIM ALONE!

**I turn away from the camera to eat little debbies.

(Mouth still full of snack cakes) You're lucky he even takes your millions of dollars ... to coach you to mid-tier bowls! Leave Coach Fran alone, please!

Corso talks about professionalism and says if Coach Fran were a professional, he would've established a vertical passing game. Speaking of professional, when is it professional to throw the ball straight up in the air?!?! We're playing FOOTBALL, not five-hu-uh-uh-ndr-eeed! (Edior's note: See also: 500)

(Lots of crying, adding tear drops to eyes for effect. wiping tears with 12th Man Towel.)
LEAVE COACH FRAN ALONE RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT!
If anyone that has a problem with him can deal with Juh ... ja.. javo...
can deal with THE J-TRAIN, 'cause we're still going to win the Big XII South.

(Grabs Fran bobble-head from off camera)]I love you, Coach Fran. I'm squeezing DOWN HERE for you. (with finger wiggling above lip and under nose) Please grow a mustache!?!
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More Deadspin love. Nice work